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What I’ve Been Up To Lately
- Working hard is not always part of God's will for us. Resting and playing sometimes takes more faith than working. 1 week ago
- I'm at Myers Hall (Talbot) (13800 Biola Avenue, La Mirada). http://4sq.com/9qNnkR 1 week ago
- Hey it's jasons birthday. Happy bday. I'm glad we get to share life together. http://twitpic.com/2jkglz 1 week ago
- Having dinner with Jason out in victorville for his birthday. Victorville is the definition in boonies. 1 week ago
- More updates...
Posting tweet...
Crossroads – Personal Thoughts
As I look back at my life I realize that there has been major crossroads in my life. I’m not even sure that “crossroads” is even the right metaphor for this conversation.
By crossroads I mean a moment in life where I was hit with the full frontal brute strength of truth and I knew that I could never go back to my old life. Although this new direction is filled with uncertainty, it is impossible to go back to the old life without living in complete self-delusion.
I see 3 major points in my life where there was drastic shift in my life.
- The 1st crossroad was my conversion. When God saved me it was such a radically inward experience that I realized that it would be impossible for me to go back to not believing. Of course I would stumble and even try to ignore God, but during my conversion I knew God was real and I knew my life would not be the same.
- The 2nd crossroad was when I began to take my education seriously. This is when I stop seeing my education as a means of getting a degree but a means of knowing God, His World, and His people. From that point I knew I couldn’t go back to just “feeling” my way through life.
- The 3rd crossroad is what my friend Charles calls his “2nd conversion” -coming to a Kingdom Understanding of Justice. When God popped my suburban bubble and opened my eyes to His heart for justice in this world, I knew that my life would never be the same. Justice, compassion, mercy, and grace are very much a part of who I am today. I could never go back to the life prior to this encounter.
I can’t even imagine living life apart from these 3 crossroads. What was it like before being saved? What was like to be saved but arrogant about the life of the mind? What was it like to be saved and appreciate the Christian mind but not care about the things God cares about? I don’t even know.
I think I’m on the verge of a four crossroad in my life.
I just entered my first semester of seminary. To be completely honest, the motives for me going to seminary wasn’t very clear as I was filling out the application to Talbot. Intuitively I knew I should but practically I knew it was going to be difficult.
It’s been about 5 weeks into my Talbot experience and I have to say that my undergrad really prepared me academically for Talbot. A lot of what’s being in taught is basically review for me. For awhile I thought that I guess the reason I’m at Talbot is just to get a degree but I’m beginning to see a bigger purpose for God having me there.
One class is standing out of all the classes I’m taking. Talbot recently made it a requirement for all new students to take 3 semester of Spiritual formation/theology. This class is totally ruining me. It’s really hard to explain my experience because most people hear the word “Spiritual formation” and they bring a set of bias assumptions to the table.
Nevertheless, as I begin to engage in the pray projects and as I ask God to search my heart and show what’s there, I’m beginning to see the ugliness that exists in my own heart. I see the pretense, the insecurities, the fears, the sin, the out right wicked motives that exist there. It is probably one of the most painful experiences I’m going through but it’s a healthy.
Instead seeing the sin and injustice out there, I see the sin and injustice within. God is not only interested in redeeming the world but also in redeeming me, in this life.
I know one of the objections to Spiritual formation is that it’s “ME” focused. At one point I would have agreed, but the reality is that as the Holy Spirit is forcing me to look at the sin within, I’m beginning to have an increasing understanding of God’s grace. With all my pretense, lies, masks, sinfulness, and straight out wickedness, HE still loves me? Amazing! He still calls me ‘son’? Amazing!?
My experience has been a deepening of affections for Him. Maybe this is what it means to decrease and have Him increase, or to say “it is not I who lives but Christ in me.” I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t think I can go back to living in disillusionment anymore.
brokenness is beautiful!
Love how God is forming you! It’s amazing to see the transformation I’ve seen in you these past few years. I’m humbled to have been a small part of the process.
Keep your heart open and experience God in fresh ways.
More transformation coming…
My beloved brother Jonathan great conversation, I believe what shapes the process and growth towards Spiritual formation in a person life is trials and suffering and our responses to that process; don’t get me wrong a solid foundation will bring balance discipline through that processes: but with out the testing of this formation we will never get a clear sense of what God has produce in our lives nether will we ever see what God see in us, and from a ministerial point of view we cant give away something that we don’t have .
How can a lay down a foundation for a house with out a clear plan and purpose for that house it just wont make sense in the same way through trials and suffering we begin to see the work of God and his purpose for our lives
But what do I know? I am not very educated man and all I know is that I was blind and now I see and I was once dead and now I am alive and I can’t help but to think of the words of Apostle Paul in the Book of Philippians
Philippians 3:10 (King James Version)
10That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;
Jonathan — I was glad to meet you at the tweetup in Irvine this past weekend! I’ve enjoyed reading your blog, and appreciate your openly sharing your thoughts here about the crossroads in your life. I feel like I’m at one myself. I moved out here to SoCal from the midwest in late summer, and have been attending Newsong Irvine for about 4 months now. During this time I’ve been confronted anew by the myriad needs in the world, particularly those classified as issues of social (in)justice. And I’ve been challenged to consider how, as a Christ follower, I am both required and privileged to live out my faith in the pursuit of justice and mercy for those who must live in conditions of grinding poverty, and who are exploited by the unspeakably evil schemes of their fellow human beings.
I’m recognizing this to be a significant crossroads in my life of faith. Much like your third crossroads experience above, I realize that, knowing what I now know, I can never go back to a life of “blissful ignorance”. And yet as I press ahead, I find myself struggling with deep questions of how the “God of love” that I follow can stand by and watch while children starve to death or are conscripted into wars, forced labor, or the sex trade; while young women are bought and sold into forced marriages like property, and then have their faces burned with acid or are stoned to death in the name of a family’s “honor” when they refuse; while entire populations are forced to freeze to death and starve under the brutal repression of an evil leader like Kim Jong Il. This is hard to reconcile, and I find myself at times feeling angry at God, that He would allow so many millions of His precious children to endure entire lifetimes of such horrible suffering… and so often with eternal death to follow.
I’ve discovered that the area of theology that I’m now wading into is called “theodicy”, and that many over the centuries have gone ahead of me on this journey. I received a book on the subject today from Amazon called “The End of Christianity” by William A. Dembski. Do you know of it? Can you recommend any other good resources that deal with this?
I’d like to engage with some people on this, rather than attempt the journey alone. Like many new friends at Newsong, you clearly have a heart for social justice and are perhaps further along this path, up ahead of me. I’d welcome any opportunities for us to connect and dialog, if you’d be interested… after your semester finals (and perhaps in the new year) of course!