What is a Man

This past Friday I had a opportunity of being a guest speaker at the Chinese Christian Alliance Church in Torrance, Ca. I got to talk to the guys in the youth group about sex. But more than just talking about sex, I spent the first half of our conversation addressing the question, “What is a man?”

We live in a such a gender neutral culture, which has its strengths and weakness. One of the weakness is that guys are girls are obviously different. I’m not just talking about physically different, but different in the way the think, they way the react, the way they approach life in general.

We began our discussion by just brainstorming the concept of what makes a man a man (beside have a little more equipment). When we first began the guys couldn’t get past the physical aspects of a guy. I realized that many of just assume we know what makes a guy a guy and a girl a girl and so we don’t think intentionally about the differences (beyond the physical).

One of the points that I landed on was that the difference between guys and girls is that guys are typically characterized by strength. This is not to say that girls are not strong or on the other end, that guys can’t be nurturing. This is to say that typically,  males is marked with strength.

But what’s difference between a boy and a man? I think it boils down to what one does with that strength. Proverbs 5:7-11 speaks into this:

And now, O sons, listen to me,
and do not depart from the words of my mouth.
Keep your way far from her,
and do not go near the door of her house
lest you give your honor to other
and your years to the merciless,
lest strangers take their fill of your strength
and your labors go to the house of a foreigner,
and at the end of your life you groan,
when your flesh and body are consumed,

The context of the passage is a father writing to his son and warning him the dangers of the adulteress. He’s giving his son wisdom on how to grow up and in many ways how to watch out of those things that steal away “manhood” or what I call, “strength.” The fathers tells his son not to waiste his strength on the adulteress. He tells his son that she will steal his honor, his years, his strength, and his labor.

What’s the difference between a man and a boy? How are you using your strength? A boy would typically use his strength when he doesn’t get his way or use his strength to serve his personal need. A man uses his strength to be self-controlled and to serve others. A boy reacts and a man responds.

On a practical level what does that look like?

• I think guys who rape or abuse women are not real men. A man uses his strength to love, care, protect and bless his sister. A boy uses his strength to get and have his way.
• When a boy gets in a disagreement with someone he typically will react by using his strength to get his way. When a man his faced with disagreement, he uses his strength to temper his anger.
• For the boy, family exists to meet their need. For a man, family exists so he could offer his strength.
• A boy is marked with irresposibility and a man is marked with responsibility.
• A boy is passive and a man is a leader.
• A boy is one dimensional in his reaction. A man his discerning in his response.

Just some thoughts. That is all